Expectations too high. PSH!! Whatever!

Small talk common questions by clients:

"So, are you married?"

"Do you have any kids?"

"You live in Utah and you're out of high school, so you're married, right?" (okay, maybe this is a little bit of an exaggeration, but not by far)

"I don't see a ring. . .are you married, or just choose not to wear a ring?"

And the list goes on.  It's crazy how the dynamic of clients were so different from one location to another, but that's another story for another day.  Working quite a bit, and getting to know a lot of the clients, most of the time I didn't think much of it.  One day a client made a comment that I have thought about, more than once or twice since.

It began as the typical conversation that starts with one of the "married" questions.  And was quickly followed up with a "Why not?" - SERIOUSLY people!?  1) What kind of question is that?  2) How am I supposed to answer that? - Well, anyway conversation continues to go on a little more and he says,

"You just have too high of expectations and you should lower them."

WHAT!?!  For real?  I get where he was coming from.  I do realize that a lot of times people set their sights on something specific (like my cousin and his friends that had an ideal to marry Jessica Alba, or like me saying I need to marry Brandon Flowers, Paul Walker or Channing Tatum).  People tend to place ideals on their list of must-haves for a spouse.  Those ideals are only the frosting.  There need to be key ingredients to make a cupcake, but the ingredients to make the frosting are not necessary, but sure do make the cupcake taste better.  So what was my response to him?
"I don't have high expectations, I have high standards.  And yes, there is a difference."

We went on with the conversation and I told him that I've had my fair share of dating experiences and I'm not going to settle for less than what I know I deserve.  I am not setting my sights on marrying the guy who has the most money and is the most handsome (although those would be nice), I want a guy who treats me with the utmost respect.

I've had A LOT of amazing examples of respectful men.  I see how my dad treats my mom, how my brothers treat their wives (my brother-in-law treats my sister), and I have countless neighbors and family members that treat the women in their lives like queens.  I want that.  I'm going to have that.  I'm not going to settle for anything less.

A while back I created a "Wanted" ad for my knight and shining armor/my prince on a white horse/the cupcake list of ingredients of my standards that I won't settle for less than.  I was playing around with Photoshop today and this is what I created.  It's the same list from before, just a little easier to read.  *If there are any single girls (especially teenagers) reading this.  Know first and foremost, YOU HAVE VALUE!!  Know you don't have to settle.  Respect yourself enough to hold your ground.  Lets all help each other raise the standard, rather than lower it.  Set your boundaries BEFORE dating.  Know where you stand NOW, so when the time comes you don't have to make a decision on the fly.  Because more than often, if you wait to make the decision things will escalate farther than you are comfortable, and it's hard to get out of that situation.  But if you know where you stand, you know where not to let yourself go.*

I want a guy who respects me enough to stand by my side when I won't succumb to him wanting to just fulfill his physical desires.  "Peace Out Bro!  If that is all you want.  You are not worth my time!"  I get society has changed, I get the world is trying to blur the lines of what is appropriate and what is not.  I'm grateful to have grown up in a church that not only helped instill a solid set of standards into my life, but also teach me that I HAVE VALUE!  I respect myself enough to hold to these standards, and I respect my future husband enough to hold to these standards for him as well.  I am, by no means perfect.  I've made my fair share of mistakes.  I realize that my future husband is also not going to be perfect.  But in my journey to meeting my prince, I've also tried to learn from my mistakes so I don't make those same mistakes again.  I'm trying to learn each and every day how to be better tomorrow than I am today, so that I can be prepared for when I do meet him.  Don't freak out all my Utah peeps, I know he may seem like he in not out there, but he is.  Somewhere.  It's okay to be older than 19 and not married.  It is okay to continue to live your life to the fullest until that time comes to meet your spouse and marry.  But know what you want.  Know what you want and strive to live with those same standards and values that you are looking for.  Just remember that your spouse is not going to want to settle either, so you need to be up to par as well.

What are your ingredients in your future spouse that makes up the cupcake?  What's in your frosting?  Love and respect yourself enough to not settle for anything less than your high standards.

Declarations!

Since it's late and I'm needing to get up early for a class tomorrow, I am going to keep this short and sweet.  I've known for a while that I need to get blogging.  I know I've done a few things here and there, but I really need to dive into.

I'm going to do it just as soon as I have time.  I'm going to do it as soon as I have everything else taken care of.  I'm going to do it when I'm not so tired.  I'm going to do it when I have it all figured out.  I'm going to do it when. . .

No more when!!  I just need to do it.  So tonight, being short on time and needing to say who I am out loud rather than just through words on a paper, I put myself out there to the YouTube world.  And frankly, I could care less who does or does not see it.  I feel kinda bad since my first attempt to record the video didn't work.  I wanted it to be totally raw, one take, no editing, what you see is what you get video.  Oh well, you get the second take :S  I recorded the video and didn't watch it.  To be honest I don't plan on it either.  I had to start somewhere and I don't want any excuse to take that video down.  It's not always easy to believe my declarations, but I need to!  I need to get Scratch and his little minions to leave me alone! (I believe in God, my Heavenly Father, and in His son Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.  I believe they are 3 separate beings.  With my belief in the Godhead, I also believe that Satan is the adversary and he is doing all he can to make me not happy and to fail.  I like to refer to Satan as Scratch - he's not going to do anything big to cause me to walk off the cliff that I see right to the side of me.  He is going to cause little scratches.   Little scratches that get deeper and deeper, that slowly cause me to lose my way.  I also believe that Satan doesn't work alone.  He has those he controls to help him, hence the minions.  They do whatever he says to work to get us off track).

http://youtu.be/nPa96Zfardw

I know I have a lot that needs to be shared with others.  It's not meant for me to keep only for myself.  I've learned through my challenges and struggles.  I'm constantly trying to find the lesson in all I'm faced with.  Hopefully my lessons I've learned will help others along their journey.  And hopefully I can remember my lessons so I don't have to keep repeating the same challenges :)

Watch the video or don't, but after some experiences I've had I was able to get the assistance of strangers in determining "Who I am!".  I am going to share my list with you.  From that list, I created a few statements to repeat to myself to remind me who I am.  I hope it's okay that I share my personal experiences with you.  Is it okay if I tell you who I am?

Thank you.

I am compassionate
I am determined
I am beautiful
I am strong
I am tender
I am kind
I am giving
I am honest
I have integrity
I am accountable
I am trustworthy
I am loyal
I have, and know my divine nature
I am full of valor
I am thoughtful
I am calm
I am peaceful
I am open
I am generous
I am likable
I am sensitive
I feel connection
I have a sense of belonging
I am courageous
I have a zest for life
I am amazing

From these powerful words I created my declarations.  Can I share those with you too?

Thanks!

I have a sense of belonging and a zest for life though determined, compassionate, and strong valor.

I know my divine nature and I am accountable for my loyal and generous giving.

I am open to feel a connections with others by being courageous and likable.

I am beautiful.

I am physically, emotionally, and mentally strong.

I am AMAZINGLY AWESOME!

I've been able to have some amazing experiences recently, a couple of which are very personal and sacred to me.  But I do want to share with you of my knowledge of my Heavenly Father.  I know he is there and he listens to our prayers.  I know he answers our prayers.  I know that we may not always get the answer WE want, but He knows us best and if we go to Him, we need to be open to HIS answers.  I know that families are forever.  I'm grateful for my family.  I have the best immediate family.  My parents and siblings (and their spouses, which I consider regular siblings), nieces and nephews are the best!  I learn so much from them daily.  My extended family is incredible.  I've discovered that my close relationships with my cousins is uncommon.  I'm grateful for their examples and their friendship.  I lost my Uncle this last summer and it's been REALLY hard.  I'm not sure why.  I've lost other close family members in the past, but for some reason, this has hit me really hard and continues to do so.  I'm blessed to have spent the times that I have with him and I'm grateful that I was able to hear him bear his testimony of this gospel and of the Atonement of my Savior.  Through some some incredible experiences, I KNOW that our family is forever and that the loved ones that pass before us are with us all the time.  They are there to help lead us, guide us, and comfort us.  I am truly blessed to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am also very grateful for the struggles and challenges I face.  I know that my Savior is there to help me through each one.  I know I never face these challenges alone (although sometimes in the depth of it, that is sometimes easier said than remembered).  I am grateful for all of those that I've learned from and who have helped me strengthen my testimony.  I'm grateful to be in business with family!  I know a lot of people that did and probably still do, think we are crazy.  Our priorities put family first.  Family is what matters most and I am blessed that my family is as close as we are.  I love this gospel with all of my heart and I'm grateful for the guidance it continually gives me.

I'm grateful for the past little while to learn and grow as much as I have.  Has it been easy?  No.  Has Scratch been able to get some of those wounds pretty deep?  Yes.  Am I going to fight through this?  YES!  I know with the strength I've been given through my Saviors gift of the Atonement, I can conquer all and win this earthly battle with Scratch and his minions.  Because I know this right now at this moment, does this mean I will never have doubts or question things?  I sure hope not.  If I never doubt, I never seek to learn more.  If I'm not learning, I'm becoming stagnant and eventually falling backwards.  I don't know about you, but I want to keep moving forward.  I realize I'll have ups and downs, but I want to always be moving forward.  I'm grateful for the past and the many things it is always teaching me.  If it wasn't for the past, I wouldn't know what to do or how to find the answers to my future.

Now that this "short and sweet" post is quite a bit more lengthy than I was planning, I really need to rest my body and brain so I can be open for more learning when the sun comes up (and be open to learning in my dreams if it so happens).

If you are reading this: know you are loved.  You are amazing.  You are of value.  You are worth it.  You have a divine purpose and inspire and encourage others.  Try not to doubt yourself, but when you do, don't get down on yourself.  Realize you are human and we will all have ups and downs.

Best of luck and Lots of Love!

Sleep. Please.

Good gosh!!  Why the heck am I up at 3:30 AM?  I have tried all my usual tricks to get to sleep, but my mind WILL NOT stop going.  Let's be honest, I hate taking medicine but I really needed it today.  I should've gone without the caffeine, that probably would've helped.  Funny how now that I have the laptop out to write to try and clear my mind, I can't collect my thoughts to be able to write them down.  Actually it's not all that funny, it's rather annoying.

With the expansion of the church using media, and by reading a certain blog (which may or may not be disclosed in the future), I keep having the impressions that I should start using my blog as a way to express my testimony of my knowledge of the Gospel, and share some of the experiences I'm going through and have been through in the past.  I've had many experiences lately (and that I've been looking back on) that have helped me be who I am today, and I can only hope and pray that I continue to have experiences that continue to grow my faith and strengthen me each and every day.  "It's not the experiences we go through that make us who we are, it's what we choose to do with it that does."  From reading this "certain blog", and having the words that are written feel like they were written directly for me {being a wo[man] of faith is real easy till that faith is tried}; to conversations with an atheist {trying to understand the ability to have a lack of beliefs}; to my calling {the lessons I've learned from young women age 12-18 and really discovering I DO have a testimony}; and a makeup boot camp in LA {an experience I will never regret for the lessons I learned, the friendships I made, and the difficult decisions I faced}; recalling dating drama from the past {blind dates to Vegas; my BFFAE spitting ice cream on my date; not understanding why the atheist, different from the one above, was such a better kid than the R.M.'s; not having been on a 'real date' in over 3 years and wondering what it would be like to go on a date again and getting the butterflies of all of that} and sorta being an 'outcast' in the Utah Mormon culture {28 and not married! "Oh. My. Gosh!  What is wrong with you?!"}; to being a business owner - and trying to figure out a way to be back in the social scene {I am married to my job.  I knew that going into it - I'm grateful and blessed to be able to do what I'm doing.  I love it!  But now I have more time to be social and don't know how or what to do.  Don't have any desire to meet people at a bar.  Don't have any desire to go to the Singles Ward (the movie is kinda how it really is), I left my high school for a reason; now I'm not sure where or how to meet people and NO it will not be by internet dating}; to having to help take care of my parents recovering from surgeries and finding out Dad has cancer again and having to go to multiple doctor appointments to figure out what's going on and what the game plan is (and Uncle G being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer just days before Dad); fighting my own health battles {mono, shingles, a destroyed immune system, surgery; for being an active/athletic/competitive girl it is a shot to my ego every time I have to climb back up this ladder}; by being around so many incredible people {how am I so lucky?}; and reading status updates from mentors and others who are making a difference; to remembering some pretty dark times from my past and being grateful for the people that were put 'back' into my life when my Savior knew I needed them them most - I don't know as anyone will read my blog, but if they do stumble across it, that maybe, just maybe, something that is written with help bring the Holy Ghost into their life and inspire it like others have done for me.  Granted some of the things I might write about might not all be centered around my testimony, but think about it, God has to have a sense of humor or otherwise he wouldn't have given me the opportunity to walk into that glass door when I was at work trying help the cute kid.  It's a good thing I don't get embarrassed too easy!

I'm debating on how much I want to re-vamp my blog.  I will remove my private setting, I'm debating about starting a new page all together though so I might not.  Who knows?!  I guess time will tell.  But hopefully some how, some way I can be a light for someone else.  Whether it's like how the "certain blog" has been for me, or by putting a smile on your face for some of the dumb things I've done; I hope to be able to 'Pay it Forward' and make a difference for someone else.  I hope to be a Daymaker (make someones day better - something I am glad I embraced from my Paul Mitchell culture/family) and make the world a better place.  Yes I just referenced Michael Jackson, aren't you glad it's 4 am! haha

I know I'm not very good at this whole writing/blogging thing.  I've had my blog for how long?  and I've only posted how many times?  I've left blogging about vacations in the middle and never finished how often?  I don't have too high of expectations for me to do this all that often, but as I've been driving around town for work, I've had to pull over and jot some notes down quite often since the same thoughts keep coming and I realize I don't want to forget them.  With the promptings I've had to get back on here and change how I've been doing things - I might be better at this!  Cross your fingers.  But don't hold your breath.

Now that it's past 4 am and I've got to be up in just a couple hours to take the parentals to more doctor appointments, I think I'm going to take a shot at this whole sleep thing (coming from the girl who's still struggling with the effects of mono, this is not going to be a good thing).  Hopefully I've been able to clear my mind enough that it can stop racing.