Good gosh!! Why the heck am I up at 3:30 AM? I have tried all my usual tricks to get to sleep, but my mind WILL NOT stop going. Let's be honest, I hate taking medicine but I really needed it today. I should've gone without the caffeine, that probably would've helped. Funny how now that I have the laptop out to write to try and clear my mind, I can't collect my thoughts to be able to write them down. Actually it's not all that funny, it's rather annoying.
With the expansion of the church using media, and by reading a certain blog (which may or may not be disclosed in the future), I keep having the impressions that I should start using my blog as a way to express my testimony of my knowledge of the Gospel, and share some of the experiences I'm going through and have been through in the past. I've had many experiences lately (and that I've been looking back on) that have helped me be who I am today, and I can only hope and pray that I continue to have experiences that continue to grow my faith and strengthen me each and every day. "It's not the experiences we go through that make us who we are, it's what we choose to do with it that does." From reading this "certain blog", and having the words that are written feel like they were written directly for me {being a wo[man] of faith is real easy till that faith is tried}; to conversations with an atheist {trying to understand the ability to have a lack of beliefs}; to my calling {the lessons I've learned from young women age 12-18 and really discovering I DO have a testimony}; and a makeup boot camp in LA {an experience I will never regret for the lessons I learned, the friendships I made, and the difficult decisions I faced}; recalling dating drama from the past {blind dates to Vegas; my BFFAE spitting ice cream on my date; not understanding why the atheist, different from the one above, was such a better kid than the R.M.'s; not having been on a 'real date' in over 3 years and wondering what it would be like to go on a date again and getting the butterflies of all of that} and sorta being an 'outcast' in the Utah Mormon culture {28 and not married! "Oh. My. Gosh! What is wrong with you?!"}; to being a business owner - and trying to figure out a way to be back in the social scene {I am married to my job. I knew that going into it - I'm grateful and blessed to be able to do what I'm doing. I love it! But now I have more time to be social and don't know how or what to do. Don't have any desire to meet people at a bar. Don't have any desire to go to the Singles Ward (the movie is kinda how it really is), I left my high school for a reason; now I'm not sure where or how to meet people and NO it will not be by internet dating}; to having to help take care of my parents recovering from surgeries and finding out Dad has cancer again and having to go to multiple doctor appointments to figure out what's going on and what the game plan is (and Uncle G being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer just days before Dad); fighting my own health battles {mono, shingles, a destroyed immune system, surgery; for being an active/athletic/competitive girl it is a shot to my ego every time I have to climb back up this ladder}; by being around so many incredible people {how am I so lucky?}; and reading status updates from mentors and others who are making a difference; to remembering some pretty dark times from my past and being grateful for the people that were put 'back' into my life when my Savior knew I needed them them most - I don't know as anyone will read my blog, but if they do stumble across it, that maybe, just maybe, something that is written with help bring the Holy Ghost into their life and inspire it like others have done for me. Granted some of the things I might write about might not all be centered around my testimony, but think about it, God has to have a sense of humor or otherwise he wouldn't have given me the opportunity to walk into that glass door when I was at work trying help the cute kid. It's a good thing I don't get embarrassed too easy!
I'm debating on how much I want to re-vamp my blog. I will remove my private setting, I'm debating about starting a new page all together though so I might not. Who knows?! I guess time will tell. But hopefully some how, some way I can be a light for someone else. Whether it's like how the "certain blog" has been for me, or by putting a smile on your face for some of the dumb things I've done; I hope to be able to 'Pay it Forward' and make a difference for someone else. I hope to be a Daymaker (make someones day better - something I am glad I embraced from my Paul Mitchell culture/family) and make the world a better place. Yes I just referenced Michael Jackson, aren't you glad it's 4 am! haha
I know I'm not very good at this whole writing/blogging thing. I've had my blog for how long? and I've only posted how many times? I've left blogging about vacations in the middle and never finished how often? I don't have too high of expectations for me to do this all that often, but as I've been driving around town for work, I've had to pull over and jot some notes down quite often since the same thoughts keep coming and I realize I don't want to forget them. With the promptings I've had to get back on here and change how I've been doing things - I might be better at this! Cross your fingers. But don't hold your breath.
Now that it's past 4 am and I've got to be up in just a couple hours to take the parentals to more doctor appointments, I think I'm going to take a shot at this whole sleep thing (coming from the girl who's still struggling with the effects of mono, this is not going to be a good thing). Hopefully I've been able to clear my mind enough that it can stop racing.
